Royalty

So I really didn't think I would be blogging this often, but I just really wanted to share my day.

This week has been kind of rough. Monday was a perfect day (as I already mentioned) and then the rest of the week kind of went downhill as far as attendance and student productivity. Today was Thursday. I was bracing myself for what would probably continue to be a frustrating day as my students make choices that don't exactly put them on the path to success. Tuesdays and Thursdays at our school are internship days, so the students SHOULD be out on their internships and I SHOULD be able to go around and visit them and watch them learning and push them to go deeper with their projects. As you can guess, that has not exactly happened yet... I guess something to look forward to in the future.

Anyway, today started out as expected as one of my students ditched me again and didn't show up as I waited early in the morning to take him to his internship. Deep breath. But as the day went on, God continued to show me His goodness. I ended up taking that student anyway even though he was very late, and had a good conversation on the way. When I got back to the school at 12:30 I was greeted by one of my students who is just soaring (let's call him Nate). Nate has been a star shining in the darkness of struggle. He was even asked to speak at a Big Picture Symposium this evening. He came to school dressed professionally in a button down shirt and slacks. He had his notecards and he had been practicing all morning. He was ready. And it made me smile a bit.

Before heading to the Robert Treat Hotel, where the Symposium was being held, we stopped by his internship and set-up his project. Then I took him to Burger King for lunch (fancy huh?) and he actually started asking me about church. It was awesome. We talked about denominations and the Bible. It was a good lunch (praise God). Then it was time to head to the dinner.

So this part of the story isn't very exciting. Nate was nervous, but he did a good job. He was proud of his short 10-minute speech about his life story. He was critical of his mistakes, as he always is. He was looking to me for support, encouragement, and approval, and I was happy to give it to him. But I want to jump to the end of the night...


As we were leaving and we were walking out to the car, I asked Nate how his dinner was (he sat at the other end of the table and I could see he was uncomfortable for most of the evening since it was such a new environment for him) so I was expecting him to say it was boring and he didn't want to go back to the workshops being held tomorrow.

Instead he replied, "I had a really great time." Surprise.

Then I thought about it. After some more discussion I asked him if he had ever been to such a fancy dinner before. He said that he couldn't remember if he had and that he "felt like a king."

The smile on his face made me realize that all of this is totally worth it.

Grace

What a day. Woke up earlier than normal to meet a student to take him to his internship. He doesn't show. I get a flat tire. The day continues and my frustration builds as almost every one of my students tells me they're refusing to go to their internships (which we all worked our butts off to get them) because they're bored there and they just don't want to go. Deep breath. Students struggling with emotional home lives. Students dealing with depression. Another deep breath. Two of my students have been kicked out/dropped from the program. Gigantic deep breath. And all I can think is how awesome yesterday was (the 5 students who showed up were perfect pictures of what Big Picture students should be: doing work, participating in discussions, etc..)... and then I get even more frustrated. Why can't they just continue to make good decisions? Why do I feel like I'm the only one who cares about them doing well? How do you convince a student that he has potential when throughout his entire life he's been told he will fail? Days like today make me want to throw in the towel.

What happened to the peace I was focusing on this morning? In John 14 Christ tells us that He gives us a special gift of peace that is totally different from anything found in this world. I desperately want my students to know that hope and peace as well. It breaks my heart to see them so hopeless sometimes. So as I walked into my apartment after our ridiculously houred school day had ended, I threw down my bag onto the floor and just kind of sat to decompress for a moment and thought about my students. And as soon as I took that moment to really refocus and reflect on the struggles of my students, He reminded me, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness (2 Cor 12:9)." His grace. He is all I need. He is truly where I find my peace in days like today and He can use my weaknesses and my frustrations to shine His love down on my students. Just as He has washed me clean and showers his love and grace upon me, I also need to show grace to my students. I don't know where in the world I got the idea that because they had a few good days they would suddenly be perfect young highschoolers. Because that's all they are. While they are street smart and in some ways years beyond where I am, there are so many things they have not yet wrapped their minds around. And I get the blessed opportunity to share love with them by showing them forgiveness and grace. That's how I can share that peace, by being at peace myself and continuing to support, encourage, and love them.

Architecture

2 blogs in one day... I'm on a roll. Actually I'm at school and kind of bored. I have some time to plan (kind of like a planning period) but it's Friday and it's been a "blah" day. Only half of my students showed up (5 out of 10) and they also aren't very thrilled to be here on a beautiful Friday afternoon. So as I sit and supervise them on the computers, I shall share with you something that does indeed brighten my day.

One of my students (we shall call him Jay) loves architecture. He doesn't really know much about it, other than that he thinks it's really cool. Jay decided that he wanted to do a project about the history of architecture. One thing you need to know about him is that it has taken us a long while to communicate with eachother. Jay has ADHD and often times decides to not take his meds. Jay also hates to be questioned about anything he is doing. So needless to say, I am one of his biggest nuisances. The students recently had their exhibitions (45 minute presentations that they give at the end of every quarter, kind of like a mid-term/final) and Jay made me so proud. His presentation was wonderful, and he acknowledged that even though he messes around he really does need to start maturing and taking his school work seriously.

To start off the new quarter, he turned in part of his project on architecture, which consists of 7 poems that express the importance of it in our world. I want to share my favorite one with you all. (This still has me smiling everytime I read it). Please forgive the grammar mistakes (he also confuses "architects" with "architecture"). I prefer to read it with different voices for the parts in parentheses. The last line is my favorite. Enjoy :)

What if architects didn't exist?

(Are you out of your mind?)

No but if architects didn't exist it will be nothing but disaster.

(But why?)

Architects are the one that built half of this world.

(But how?)

It's called most of the people that are creative and imaginative is a creator of art.

(What you think?)

I think there won't be no architect without the people that makes what called art.

(Wow, why is architect so important?)

Lets put it this way, without the architects, we won't have no mall, food businesses, or houses because without the architects, it affects jobs because they need architects to plan their design and drawings for them.

(Say no more)

I thought you might said that but what I am saying and speaking of is the truth and the truth shall set you free but it depends what the topic is about.

(Sorry but so speechless right now)

Let me save my breath because there's nothing else to say.

(But?)

(Ahhughhmmm)

Strengthened

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance (and patience). And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love." - Romans 5:3-5

Last August I moved to New Jersey to teach. (I know, what was I thinking, right?) I'm at a brand new school that just opened this year and that has a very different philosophy of learning than the traditional setting. I teach the rough high schoolers that many others have lost patience with and who have given up hope. I moved away from family and friends. I'm "growing up." And it's been hard. I mean... crying myself to sleep more nights than I can count hard. But I've made it through. The past few months God has truly been showing me how trustworthy He really is. All the tears, all the lonliness, all the struggle... He has used it for good... He has been using my life in ways that I seriously could have never thought possible.

I have been humbled by the fact that He is infinitely greater than I am (and I studied infinity, so I get what that means ;) ).. and the fact that He still uses me for His purposes blows me away. Thus, the title of this blog. And not only does He use me through my weakness and mistakes and sinful flesh, He teaches me through those experiences. He has strengthened me so much this past year. It's been on my heart to start writing down my experiences and the ways God has been working in my life. Teaching brings many stories, and I hope to share them so God might remind you that He wants to be giving You strength through the tough times of your life as well.

May You be glorified.

__N