Affirmations

Things have been really rough at school. I dread lesson planning. I hate going in every morning. The students have just been so disrespectful to each other. It’s normal to hear them calling each other awful names and cursing. It’s tearing down the culture of the school and it’s beginning to tear at my heart. Seeing teenagers who have been beat and broken down their entire lives to the point where they are in survival mode is truly heartbreaking. No wonder they aren’t invested in school. Of course that doesn’t seem to matter much when they don’t know where they will be tomorrow.

I thought I had a genius idea. When I visited Camden’s Big Picture school, MetEast, last Friday for staff development, I was inspired. They are a 6-year-old Big Picture school in NJ, facing similar problems. While I think we have a bit more blocking our road to success, it was still good to see an example of what we are working toward. As I sat in on an advisory, the students were sharing their “affirmations” for the week. Their advisor required them to write down and encourage themselves and their peers with “I will” statements. I loved this. So I thought I would have a heart to heart discussion with my students on Friday about having a motto of affirmation for our advisory.

The conversation went something like this: I had them journal about how they wanted to be remembered. Many of them said these great things, like wanting to be a master chef, or own their own business, or for having done something heroic. I then tried to have them connect the attainment of their dreams with the need to start acting positive and respectful in class. Unfortunately, there is no such connection in their minds.

They tried to convince me that by saying things like “Shut up,” “F*** you,” “Nigga,” “B**ch,” and by bullying and making fun of and hitting each other, they were just showing that they are friends.

One student said something like, “Nichole, you just don’t understand. We aren’t hurting each other by saying these things. Why are you trying to make us do things your way? We aren’t going to change. We don’t mind, do we guys?”

My heart broke.

I tried again to discuss the need to affirm each other and affirm themselves instead of saying negative things. Almost every time a student speaks, another one will negate what they say or tear down their idea. Never once have I heard a student be applauded or encouraged for doing the right thing by another peer. I wanted them to see that in advisory we aren’t on the streets. We are in a professional, positive setting. No go.

I managed to have them come up with a motto. They decided on, “Work Hard. Stay Positive. Move Forward.” While good things did come of the conversation and several students were honest about being hurt and feeling bullied, I was not very encouraged. I actually felt the tears well up as I watched these young teenagers who God loves so much really truly not even have a concept of what love is. Yes, I was calling it respect, but when it comes down to it, we really need to love one another. They don’t see the need for that. It’s completely out of their vocabulary.

So I’m not too sure where to go from here. I’m struggling with lesson planning. What’s the use of trying to get these kids up to speed academically when they really aren’t that invested in graduating? Their thought is, “Yeah, it would be nice,” but for many of them it’s a basket that they haven’t exactly put all of their eggs into.

I guess the only thing to do from here is to keep working hard, trying to stay as positive as possible, and move forward into a new week, praying God will reach the hearts of my students. Unfortunately, I'm finding it harder and harder to have my own uplifting affirmations as the setting of an inner city school is wearing on my soul.