Today

Today is one of those days where I feel like I’m never going to be a good teacher. Having a lesson where students sit there and stare at you but don’t comprehend a thing is one of my least favorite feelings. If you don’t get them hooked in the first 5 minutes, the entire lesson is pretty much gone.

Today I tried to teach students how equations are used in everyday life with loans and savings. We learned the difference between simple and compound interest. Then we played with the equations for each, learning how to plug in the different numbers given in a word problem.

Today, after I taught this lesson and did some examples for them, I asked them to pair up and for each group to work on a different problem. They were then going to put it up on the board. 3 of my students attempted the work. 2 of them sat there and looked at me like I was an alien. I hate that feeling.

As the year is coming into its last stretch, the days are beginning to feel more successful. The majority of my students are trying their hardest, working more independently, and understanding more work. But…

Today I feel the opposite of successful. The notes I got from my last formal observation are poking me from the back of my mind. Feedback that suggests that I am less than proficient in my understanding of the material I’m teaching my students, that my math skills are basic, below the level of expectation.

Today I watched my students struggle through the unorganized jumble of explanations I was giving them to solve equations and felt like my math degree was going to waste. I can’t explain math to these students. I have no idea what I’m doing.

Today I’m frustrated and angry with our school system. I don’t have books or a curriculum to follow. I don’t have materials to use and need to make them up on my own. It’s a detriment to my student’s learning. But even more of a detriment is my lack of preparation which is resulting in poorly explained material.

Today as I was about post this on my blog I am reminded of Ephesians 3 and that God is the one at work within me. It is not me who teaches on my own, it is the Spirit who gives me that gift and gives me the words and understanding of His creation. While I need to probably work even harder at creating my lessons and thinking through my explanations, I can rest in knowing that He is ultimately in control of all of His creation.

I am ready for today to be over.