Debbie Downer

I have been incredibly frustrated for the majority of this year (as any of you who talk to me regularly, read this often, or follow me on Twitter can attest to). Things aren’t going my way. I’ve gotten into the terrible habit of only seeing the imperfections in my students and in my teaching. When something positive happens, I get frustrated that it’s still not perfect instead of rejoicing in the small accomplishments.

God has been really convicting me of my terrible attitude. I feel like I should have that “wa wa waaaa” music following me around every time I speak (SNL anyone?). I’ve known that I’ve been too negative for awhile, but it wasn’t until I was observed by my TFA program director that it was really brought to my attention. During our debrief of the lesson, she commended me on the improvements my students have been making. Yes, they might be disrespectfully talking over me, but they no longer get up and just leave class (or the building). While they complain about the lessons, their complaints have turned more into frustrations that they don’t understand, which she pointed out is evidence of investment. Two thirds of my students are out on internships, whereas last year at this time, I think only 1 was out.

I’ve been realizing that it’s good to have high expectations, but I also am allowed to rejoice in the small steps that it takes to get there, especially for these students. My attitude was brought to my attention again in a meeting with my coordinator. I was frustrated that one of my students had read ahead to the end of the book we’re reading in advisory and has been telling everyone the ending. My coordinator looked at me like I was crazy… I was actually upset that a student took it upon themselves to READ AHEAD? (Wa wa waaaaaa…)

So I’ve been a bit of a downer. And my negativity has definitely brought down the culture of my classroom. Yet I am still amazed at how God works through my weaknesses. While I was noticing all the ways I see my students in a negative light, I was humbled further by a simple activity that they were doing. We did a mini-unit on discovering your passions and how to learn through your interests. One of the objectives was discovering your values. In doing that, I asked the students some questions to help guide their thinking. One of the questions was, “Who is the happiest person you know?”

The majority of them said that it was me.

Praise God that in my negativity and ridiculous expectations of perfection and bad attitude He still used me to show these kids His joy. It baffles my mind that His love has shown through even in the bad year that I’ve been having. Perhaps it’s not so bad after all. I’m just so thankful that He is in charge and uses me despite my brokenness.