Focal Point

I shouldn't be awake and typing right now... I'm not feeling well and I've been hoping in vain for the past week to get to bed early... but as I was spending some time with my Bible and a cup of tea I was hit with my selfishness. And I couldn't shake it so I thought I would type a bit to release the thoughts tumbling through my mind that will no doubt keep me awake anyway.

I'm selfish. The past week I have done nothing but think of myself and my own desires and my own wants. My prayers have been so limited to me me me me me... and God finally managed to break through my stream of literal "self" consciousness to get me refocused.

I'm trying to get my students to write persuasive essays. Their goal is to persuade me that they deserve to get through Gateway (a monumental binder/essay/presentation mix that happens at the end of 10th grade year) to move on to Senior Institute (11th and 12th grade). As I'm trying to teach them about writing and specifically about a thesis statement, I keep trying to get them to refocus on their main goal... showing that they have grown and possess the personal qualities needed for passing into 11th grade. Their presentation, their essay, their work, should all be toward that one goal.... that should be their focal point.

Which brings me to think about the thesis for my life. What is the main point? What am I focusing on? The simple answer that I try to tell myself is God. But is that really what I'm doing? Is that really how I'm living out my life? Sure I'm doing this hard job that no one else thinks they could do and teaching inner city that makes me sound like I'm some hero, which I'm totally and completely not. Just as my students have the tendency to go off on non-related subjects in their writing, I too am composing this narrative of my life that has a thesis statement of loving and bringing glory to God but is really just all these little side stories about my own worldly selfishness. I don't want to some day stand before my Maker and turn in my essay and Him go through and not find that focal point throughout it all.
And yet, the beauty of all of this and this entire post is that because I am His, because He chose me, because He loves me, He always finds a way to bring me back to Him if I'm willing to listen. Tonight, thank Him, He managed to get through. I pray that I can refocus. That by looking to Him in all that I do, serving others will become a joy that is Spirit-centered, not me-centered. I want Him to be glorified in the work He has blessed me with and through the relationships He has given me. Let me never lose focus on His sacrifice, grace, and love.