Thorns and Fruit

My students like to leave school without permission. It's like they're trying to run away from school. Today I had 5 students. Now only 2 are left. (Ok so 2 of them actually had permission, but it's still frustrating when even 1 of them keeps leaving, although he actually just walked back through the door, who knows where he's been for the past 2 hours).

I feel their pain. I wish I could run away. This place is hard. It pushes us into something deeper. This year has caused a lot of struggle, failure, and the gap in education that still isn't filled to stare us in the face. People don't generally like to take the "road less traveled." The path where their friends and family have gone before is much more attractive. The path that causes the least resistance is the one they choose. The path of not really caring about failure, which leads to just that, is easy because you don't have to try. And as I stand here on a meager dirt path with briars and thorns pushing in on every side pretty much alone watching my students break off the path I'm trying to lead them to for the highway of fallen dreams, my heart continues to break. My mind is screaming out the question, "Why the heck am I still trying? What on earth am I doing here?" The majority of my students won't even be back next year. They hate Big Picture. They hate our school. They hate being pushed. So what's the point?

Morale is low. It feels like everyone is abandoning ship.

Now I'm just being dramatic, but I had some nice imagery in there, didn't I?

Even as I wallow in my self-pity and type out this post, God is bringing a verse to my mind.

"I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He will cut off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit and he will prune the ones that do bear fruit so they will produce even more." - John 15.

Struggling through this year, being torn to shreds by the thorns poking and scratching me at every side... that's a bit like pruning. And I guess when it all comes down to it I know I'm learning, I know God wants me here, I trust that He is doing something greater. It just seriously gets so easy to forget through all the obstacles that are in the way. I'm focused so much on my frustration that I forget to look ahead to His promise. I might never see the fruit of all this work, but I can trust God's promise that He "chose me and appointed me to produce lasting fruit."

Pruning hurts. I don't know if that's what's going on here, but it definitely is emotionally painful and tiring. But despite the thorns in my path, I do know that there is fruit ahead, whether I get to see it or not.

I definitely started this post frustrated and ready to give up... but I'm so glad that God has reasoned through my typing and turned that sadness to thankfulness and joy that He's got it covered... no matter how bad it sucks at the moment.

Thanks for reading my stream of thoughts and feelings. It definitely helped me out.