Reflection

I’m a big fan of reflecting (beware, this is a long post). I think that through reflection you can focus on your strengths and weaknesses so that you become stronger and perhaps learn from your mistakes. Reflection also has the tendency to bring me face to face with how God’s working in my life.

So as this school year is wrapping up, what exactly have I accomplished? What have I learned? Here are a few of my reflections all jumbled and not necessarily in any order (here I go again with my lists):

• Change and transitions in life are hard and sometimes frightening, but we grow the most when we are pruned, broken, and struggling
• I never want to go through TFA’s summer training Institute ever again
• I am never alone
• (North) Jersey drivers don’t make left hand turns, they honk if you don’t gas it the moment a light turns green, and they enjoy passing you on the right on a highway.
• Apparently saying “unless if” is grammatically incorrect, unless if it’s an instance where it’s ok ;)
• The Newark Public School system needs a serious makeover
• Nissan Altimas are the easiest cars to steal according to my students, followed closely by Jeeps
• Stolen credit cards can be cancelled and replaced
• God gave us a Sabbath day of rest for a reason
• I am a very organized person who enjoys making spreadsheets and graphic organizers
• I really don’t enjoy lesson planning, but am starting to get better at it
• My immune system was defeated by Newark (but don’t worry, I’m sure I will find victory next year)
• I’m not perfect and sometimes I can’t always do everything at once.
• Students need things completely broken down for them, step by step… seriously… like broken down to the teeniest thing, especially when it’s something they’ve never experienced before.
• God is good and more than worthy of our trust, hope, and praise.
• God has been answering so many prayers and strengthening me in moments when I didn’t have anything left.
• The Lord does indeed go before me and follow me… He has the path of my life clearly marked and is ready to carry me when I lack the strength to get out of bed
• Education is important but we can’t always quantify learning in percentages and letter grades based on a content class.
• If nothing else, I taught my students what it means to reflect and the importance of being honest about their successes and mistakes.
• You don’t always see the fruit of your work, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t any. That also doesn’t mean that God isn’t working through you.
• Joy is not dependent on circumstance. Peace of heart and mind and abundant joy are found in Christ alone and in the hope He brings, not in human actions

I think that’s a pretty good list :)

So today I had a professional development day with the entire Newark Big Picture staff from each of the 3 schools that opened this year. Talk about surreal. We gathered as a professional cohort back at the place where we began. We once had excited smiles and energetic ideas, we were “bright eyed and bushy tailed.” Now we all seem to just be worn and tired. It’s been a long year for everyone.

The more I look back on journal entries and twitter tweets, I really am hit with the fact that it’s been a very rough, emotional year for me as well. I worked harder this year than any time I can ever remember. I have been more discouraged than ever before. And in all honesty, it really hasn’t been that extremely rewarding. There are things I know I could have done better. There are many things that happened that I had no control over, but I don’t really have the sense of accomplishment I was expecting.

Yet on top of all of the bad moments, behind all the tears, I really am amazed at God’s goodness and at the ways He strengthened me. He blessed me with a wonderful family and network of friends from college who were there to support me when I thought I was alone. He placed moments together so that I could find Jacob’s Well and be filled with fellowship and encouragement. This year I have truly seen glimpses of His Kingdom in a church full of love, a group of believers who I feel like I’ve known forever, a part of His body that I have somehow always been waiting to join.

Who would’ve thunk it? I enjoy living in New Jersey. I love the people I have grown to know. It’s been an interesting new adventure. Thinking back, I find that I’ve been pretty negative and down-trodden this year, especially with my job. Yet as I have mentioned in many of my other posts, I am absolutely, completely amazed and astonished at how I can see God’s hand working through it all. I know that my life here is just beginning and I’m excited to see what tomorrow brings.