Joy

I have a tendency to focus on what still needs to get done. For example, I’m awful at procrastinating. In college, I could never relax until I had finished my checklist of homework or papers. I was the nerdy student who would be getting work done early Saturday morning in the library so it would be over and done with. I would have papers finished at least one week in advance. I do not work well under pressure. I crack.

Because of this habit of mine, I find that it leads to a lot of negative thinking in life at times, especially at school or with friends. At school, I find that I automatically focus in on the students who are doing poorly. I see their potential. I see where they need to be. And I can’t rest until they succeed. But I’m coming to realize that I might never see that fruit. With friends, I often get cranky when things don’t go the way I want. If I really want to hang out and fellowship and it doesn’t happen the way I expect, I lose my joy.

God has been convicting me lately that I cannot and should not rely on anyone other than Him for my happiness, which is something that I have been falling into the habit of doing. He is my source of joy. I’m reading a book at the moment, “One Thing,” by Sam Storms, with A.J. (we’ve only made it through the first chapter), but it has already been a nice reminder that our sole purpose in this life is to glorify God. We accomplish this by rejoicing and finding joy in His holiness, His perfection, His creation, His love.

I love the last big talk that Jesus has with his disciples before his crucifixion. In John 14-17, he speaks with them about remaining in His love, finding truth in the coming Spirit, and asking for things in His name. He promises that when we do these things we fill find incredible, abundant joy.

It seems so simple. Just love and be thankful and then joy will come. While it’s not always simple to follow through with, I have had moments in life where I have experienced this wonderful glorious gift.

So why can’t I do it now? Why do I dread coming to work some days? Why does it throw my entire day off when my students don’t show up or are especially difficult? Why do I hate driving back to Newark after days of fellowship? Why can’t I rejoice in the blessings that God has given me? Why is it hard to focus on the positive?

This is becoming a rather long post, so I will end it shortly. I haven’t posted in awhile because I didn’t want to post more frustrations or complaints. I was waiting for something exciting to happen at school to share. But silly me has been completely ignorant of all the little blessings going on every day.

One I would like to share with you is from this week.

My bright and shining student, Nate, whom I have mentioned before, continues to amaze me, and yet I fail to recognize this as a fruit of the work God has been doing through me. My students just had their final presentations this past week (even though we still have 2 and a half weeks left) and it was a pretty big deal for my 10th graders. Long story short, there are 2 Gateway presentations they have to get through. One now, one in December 2010. This first one is an assessment of where they are and where they will need to be by December in order to pass officially into 11th grade. My students were supposed to be audience members for each other for support. Nate was the only one to come to all of them. During one of the feedback sections, this is something that Nate said to another student:

“I always told you that you reminded me of myself. I used to do the same thing and get distracted easily… I want you to know that everyone has potential, especially you… I knew you could do it… that would make me sad myself to see you fail… you’re like my little brother, I want you to do better…. I want you to head on the right path… because you can do it, man…. I just wanted to let you know that you can do it… don’t get distracted, just do it… homework might get boring, but you need it. And I’ll be there for you… I’ll call you… I’m here man… if anything, just call me.”

Praise God for the work He has done in Nate’s heart.

Praise God that I can rejoice in His amazing works.