Is It Well?

I sometimes listen to music on my daily commute into Newark. It takes anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes depending on the traffic. The music ranges from the local radio stations to my worship CDs. Recently I've been listening to a free CD my mom gave me (amidst a stack that she sometimes gifts that includes random assortments from terrible 80s worship music to some really great stuff all in cracked CD cases which makes me wonder how they ended up with my mom). The past few weeks the selection has been from the Kutless worship album. I love it.

The first song has been really making me think and reflect and ponder during my drives to and fro. It is well. With my soul. It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Which makes me wonder, is it really that well with my soul? If I lost everything, what would I do? What if I lost my family? What if I lost my job? My friends? My church home? AJ? What would I do?

In college my immediate response was to trust in the Lord. My faith was so new, so fresh, so trusting, so reckless and radical that I would have gone anywhere, done anything for Him. My life has been full of His blessings from amidst the struggles and weaknesses of my life. College, being an RA, working as a camp counselor, serving in Jamaica, moving to New Jersey. My life has been stretched and torn, yet it has always resulted in graceful blessings.

But what about now?

After a year and a half of teaching in the inner city, I'm finding that a lot of my hope and joy has dwindled on a day to day basis. As I reflected one morning in my car, I came to the conclusion that I'm becoming slightly bitter. God has continued to bless me in the midst of my struggles in Newark, and yet have I been grateful? No. It has not been well with my soul for awhile.

Now I'm not suggesting that I've lost my faith or even really doubted God. I also am not saying that I've been miserable. God has continued to give me so many things that I don't deserve and I have been thankful at times and have recognized His love poured out on my life. Yet on a whole I just live my days as if He's not even there. After my morning devotions, I often times won't give Him much more thought for the rest of the day. That inner peace and joy that I experienced a few years ago has faded a bit. It is not so well.

This truth hit me like a ton of bricks. This is not the way I want to live my life. I know it won't be perfect, but I always kind of thought that my relationship with Christ would continue to mature, I never would I have guessed that it would grow so stagnant. (Guess that shows how naive and ignorant I can be, huh?) Talk about conviction.

As I listened to those words and had to replay the song several times to let it sink in, I reflected on the writer of the lyrics. He lost something like almost all of his children, and he was still able to lean on the Lord and trust and exclaim that it was well deep within his soul. Despite the rocky tumultuous waves washing over his life and making it hard to stay afloat, he still had peace in his spirit. I had that. I want that back.

In my reflections I also felt convicted of the fact that it's pretty much my own attitude that has been causing me to feel this way. I look at things more negatively now. I believe that that's a choice. Satan has used my frustrations and bad days to try to drag me away from that inner peace. Every day when I wake up I don't rejoice in a new day, I sigh that I have another day of toil ahead. In moments when someone or some situation is frustrating I don't give it to the Lord, I let it fester in my mind.

As my roomate says, "I need to be more about Jesus."

And that's the truth.

I want to live each day as if God came to earth and lived among sin in order to die the death I deserve. I want to let His light and love shine through my every word and deed. I want to be more full of the Spirit and to recognize and jump at the opportunities He places before me to love and serve others. I want Him to fill my soul. I want to be able to truthfully exclaim that it is, indeed, well with my soul.

Exhibitions

Finally had time to update! A certain friend of mine from college has been daily checking my blog ;) Hopefully this can be her fix for the next few weeks.

I've had several things I wanted to blog about, but I think that I would like to turn this post back to the classroom. Things have been getting so much better. Getting back into the swing of things after break (and an engagement) was hard, and with snow days and sickness our school schedule has been inconsistent to say the least. But things are getting better.

The last two weeks have been dedicated to their end of quarter assessments: Exhibitions.

At Big Picture we do “testing” a bit differently. Our school’s philosophy is centered on the idea of “real-world experience.” Internships, interdisciplinary studies, mentor relationships, all these things are found in adult life. You don’t wake up and do math for the first 40 minutes of your day followed by history. Life is a mixture of learning that is applicable to your own individual life. That is the way we try to do things at Ironbound Academy.

This model also has an interesting take on assessments. Most schools take midterms or finals or have quizzes and tests. Multiple choice and fill in the blanks are how the United States likes to see if the youth are on track with their education. But what about that student who freezes up and has test-taking anxiety? What about the kid who can’t seem to do multiple-choice correctly. Where in life (other than in the school system) are we ever forced to answer True and False to a series of statements (unless you’re being interrogated, but that’s another matter).

Instead of tests and grades, we do something called exhibitions. It’s basically an oral defense where each student has to present in front of an audience of teachers, parents, mentors, and peers once a quarter to prove their learning. Now, in my opinion, having a high school student stand and teach an audience what they learned for 45 minutes is a whole heck of a lot more challenging and accurately assessing exactly where they are than just a written final. Then they get drilled for 15 minutes with questions that force them to push not only their academic learning, but their personal growth as well.

I love it.

So exhibitions just ended. It is always a great time in the year because the students come face to face with the reality that they’ve either grown and learned a whole lot, or they’ve slacked off and done nothing for 3 months.

It is also a time that I like to sit and reflect on where our school has been and where it’s going. Any of you who have read this blog or know me know how incredibly challenging these 2 years have been. But we’re getting somewhere. Growth is happening. I saw many examples of that this last week.

When a new freshman presented very little information in a very unenthusiastic way, two of my students confronted and encouraged her at the end of her exhibition. The conversation went something like this (only sounded a bit more like it was coming out the mouth of an inner city teenager), “You need to start opening up to people here. It’s not just like any other school. The classes are small enough so the teachers really care about you and are involved in your life. I talk to my advisor all the time and tell her everything. She’s always there to answer my texts and I know I can be honest with her. You should talk to your advisor, once you start you won’t stop. This school is hard and it’s not like anything else, but if you try you’ll probably like it here. You just gotta get to know all of us, cause we’re all real cool.”

At another exhibition, one of my students who had gone down a bad path but who has started to get his life back together spent a good 5 minutes giving detailed constructive criticism on the things the presenter could have studied and done to give a better presentation.

Another student of mine asked really great, driving questions at every presentation she sat in on.

Seeing and hearing these things warmed my heart. We aren’t where we want to be. But we’re getting there.

There are many times when I’m unsure of what I think about education. As the district won’t accept our exhibition scores as midterms and are forcing our students to take the traditional content area tests that just discourage and frustrate the kids, I feel like just giving in. The traditional way must be right.

As students get frustrated because they don’t know what a sustainable biome is off the top of their heads and I feel like a bit of a failure as a teacher, I am reminded of exhibitions. No, our students might not know the whole scope of the curriculum. No, they aren’t forced to memorize the mathematical equations that I honestly probably have forgotten and would need to look up again. But yes, they learn HOW to learn. Yes, different students are starting to get the hang of going deep with their learning. Yes, I learned some things as my students gave exhibitions about the path to become a law enforcement officer, the different types of muscle and how to work them out if you’re a physical trainer, the depravity of poverty found by examining photography from Africa, and the different layers of the rainforest and how animals have adapted to their surroundings.

Some days I am discouraged and unconvinced that our school is going anywhere. But when exhibitions roll around, I am reminded that we are not only teaching our students how to learn and defend their learning, we are not only allowing them to explore their interests in very cool ways, but we are instilling life lessons and teaching them how to be grown ups in this crazy mixed up world.

I said, "Yes!"

I’m engaged!!!! I am the future Nichole Leigh Tippin!!

I had no idea it was coming. I dreamed that it might (if you’re a girl then you get the whole crazy daydreaming thing. It normally comes when we think a guy likes us and we take every little detail and blow it out of proportion to prove to ourselves that they really do), but I knew that A.J. still had a year of grad school in Indiana, he did not yet have a job, and he got a bit spooked the one time he had said “marriage.” ;) I had daydreamed that he would ask me to marry him, but I convinced myself I was crazy and continually tried to bring myself back down to earth.

Rewind to Thanksgiving break. As we parted ways and both drove out of Pittsburgh, we made one last stop at a Starbucks to officially say goodbye. We sat for awhile. Right before we left, he played a bit with my ring finger. I imagined that he was trying to figure out my ring size by comparing his finger to mine. My heart pounded for a moment, I got excited, then I convinced myself that I was crazy and I let it go…

Fast forward. Pause at Christmas break. A.J. came to Pittsburgh on Dec 27th. We had fun seeing my friends and spending time together. One evening when we got back to my parents place, A.J. headed downstairs to drop off his coat. My dad was down there. They started talking. They continued talking longer than expected. In my mind I imagined that he was asking my dad for permission. Just in case I started talking loudly to my mom and turned the T.V. up. But surely, there’s no way he was talking to my dad now, right downstairs where you can hear every word if you listened…

Fast forward to 1-1-11. The evening started out with excitement. We had a date in New York City on New Year ’s Day. The New Year’s Eve party the night before was fun, got to sleep in and rest, got to get all dressed up for a surprise date, life was good. As we left, A.J. did his customary check of his pockets to make sure he had his phone and wallet. He checked an extra pocket twice. I thought it was weird. Girlishly I told myself he had a ring and wanted to make sure he didn’t forget it, but then I laughed at myself in my head and rationalized that he was confused with the pockets of his new coat. We headed to the train station and just missed the train, but no worries, another one would be coming soon. I had no idea what the plan was, so I wasn’t worried. Besides, we left earlier than A.J. had planned.

We sat at the station for half an hour. Laughing, chatting, taking funny pictures. I thought several times how wonderful it is to have found someone I’m comfortable being silly with.

The train finally comes, we grab our seats, we’re on our way. About 10 minutes into the train ride, the lights in the car go out. A.J. mentions something about it, but I’m sure it’ll be ok. A bit later, as we’re approaching Newark, we get the announcement that the train is having mechanical problems, so everyone needs to get out. Things started to go wrong. We waited for 30 minutes in Newark for the train that was supposed to be “immediately following.” It was cold. I was hungry, but I could see A.J. getting anxious, so I did my best to keep a positive attitude.

We get to New York Penn Station much later than planned. We rushed to the subway to get up to Columbus circle, which was near the restaurant. We jumped on the blue line… maybe the E train? Anyway, we only needed 2 stops to 59th street. At 50th I looked up and noticed that the next stop is not the one we want… I realized as the doors were about to close that the blue line splits and we were going to be headed the wrong way. Darn it. Second time we had a date in the city and were on the wrong subway. Oh well. Too late now.

A.J. started getting frustrated and anxious. We were going to miss our reservation. But hey, I enjoyed being with him and it’s not like it was a super important date. It wasn’t our first and it’s not like he was proposing, so no use getting worked up. If we ended up eating Burger King, life would not have ended.

We were 15 minutes late for our reservation at a really nice Mexican restaurant. They gave our table away, but thankfully they put us back in the line-up and we only had to wait 20 minutes. We still had time to eat before the surprise event.

Dinner was slightly awkward, the table was oddly shaped so A.J. was kind of far away, making it hard to hear each other. But again, that was ok since it wasn’t like it was a first date or a proposal or anything. The food was delicious and the service was quick so we finished in plenty of time to find our next location: The Lincoln Center to see an opera.

I was excited. I love shows and the opera is not something A.J. or I had experienced. It was fun. We discovered we aren’t opera people, but it was a great date.

The show ended. We waited a bit and then began to head out of the theatre. There was a ton of people, so A.J. suggested we take a stroll around the level we were on. There were some gorgeous chandeliers, so I was ok with that. He was acting slightly more out of character than normal. In my girlish daydreaming mind I thought, “Oohhhh it’s because he’s going to propose.” Yet in reality I reasoned that he was probably working up the courage to tell me that he loved me, which he had not done before.

We left the theatre. I wanted dessert. Instead, A.J. directed us out of the herd of people leaving to a beautiful area with a pond/fountain/sculpture thing outside of a Julliard building. We walked around and commented on the opera and the art work. He paused after we made one lap. My heart pounded a bit, still imagining that he wanted to ask me to marry him, but decided he was probably looking for a spot to say, “I love you.” He asked if I wanted to walk around a second time. I noticed an interesting sculpture off to the side of the building where there weren’t any people. Thinking that if by chance he wanted to tell me something, that would be a great place to say it. We headed in that direction. We commented on the interesting statue. Then we stopped. My heart jumped.

He looked into my eyes and told me some nice things, like I was beautiful and he really enjoyed me. I said thanks. Then we got to the good stuff ;). He told me all the things he loved about me (honestly I can’t even remember because I was so excited that he was going to tell me that he loved me). The anticipation was building. Finally those three words that I was longing to hear for the past few months were said, “I love you.”

It was so sweet. I responded that I loved him too and gave him a kiss, but my throat was a bit groggy and it came out very softly. I was unsure if he had heard. He got a weird look in his eyes and didn’t really respond to my kiss. I started to panic a bit. “What if he didn’t hear me? Does he think I don’t love him? Did I just crush his heart?”

And as these thoughts were flying through my mind, the incredible happened.
For once in my life, my silly daydream began to come true. He took a deep breath and shuddered a bit. He began to reach into his pocket. My heart was in my throat, pounding in my ears. All I could think was, “Holy crap, no way, no friggin way.”

He said, “Nichole…” and pulled out a small box from his coat. He started to lower to his knee. Things get blurry from there. I think I went into shock. The immediate thing that came out of my mouth was, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me.” Everything I had imagined, all the little details I thought I had blown out of proportion were true!!!

This amazing man, this wonderful, humble, honest man, wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. I think I stopped breathing. He was down on his knee. I don’t remember what else he said except, “Will you marry me?”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

My jaw dropped. Everything stopped working. I was shaking. My body didn’t know whether to scream or cry or shut down. I saw the ring shining in the box. “No way, no way , NO WAY!”

He looked at me expectantly. He had a slightly humorous yet concerned look in his eyes. Only a few seconds had passed but I realized I hadn’t responded.

“Yes!”

I nodded and smiled. He rose. I can’t remember the next few moments. Was I dreaming? What was going on? There’s no way that just happened. I looked at him.

That just happened. What?!?!?!

Maybe I kissed him or hugged him or just continued to look at him with my mouth hanging open. I can’t remember. I believe I continued saying things of denial that this was actually happening. My blood pressure was definitely high.

I noticed he was still looking at me with the ring in his hand. I laughed as I realized I didn’t have any idea what just happened. He slid the ring onto my finger. My heart exploded.

After a few more fuzzy moments of shock I said I needed to sit down. We moved over to a ledge. This incredible guy who was everything I was waiting for, who was an answer to prayer, just asked me to be his wife. HOLY CRAP. While I had imagined this and daydreamed about it, I never actually thought it would happen. I looked at him. I loved him so much. God was so incredibly good to me. I kissed him, I cried, I continued to say, “No. Way.”

My mind was running through what just happened. I couldn’t remember much of it. That made me sad. This was such a milestone moment; I had to remember what happened. I looked at him, giggled and said, “Do it again.”

He just laughed. “What part?”

We stood up. He didn’t get down on his knee again, but he told me all the things he loved about me. He looked deep into my eyes like I always imagined he would, “Nichole Leigh Smith, will you marry me?”

“Yes!” (This time with zero hesitation.)

It was perfect. He has no idea how amazing this whole thing was. For years I have been imagining getting engaged. Unlike many other girls, I wanted to be completely surprised. I was. We had only mentioned marriage once. I figured it would be coming in a year, after he finished grad school, if it came at all. Surprise!

I never wanted a huge public affair, just something between us, something special. It was very perfect, even with its unplanned events.

The ring is beautiful. I always wanted something specific. I’m clumsy and never wanted a big diamond. I also love unique jewelry. He completely hit the nail on its head. I could not have picked a better ring if I tried, especially with my inability to make those kinds of decisions.

I can’t even express how it was all so much better than I could have ever imagined.

So that’s my story. Life is a bit surreal at the moment. It’s hard to focus at work. A.J. and I have begun brainstorming and dreaming of our wedding and life after. It’s becoming more and more real every minute. I am so grateful that I have fallen in love with Arthur James Tippin. I can’t wait to start our life together and see what God has in store. A.J. really is everything I’ve been waiting for. Praise God, for He and His timing is good.

[Click here to check out A.J.'s perspective]

The End.

First Class

I'm sitting here in school with one hour and ten minutes left until Christmas break. Time is passing painfully slow. Not many students are here today for 2 reasons: it's the day before Christmas Eve and I don't even want to be here, and it's a Thursday, so over half the students are at their internships. Because I didn't sleep well last night and I really would rather be somewhere else, and only 2 of the students from my advisory are here, I've become a bit anti-social and have holed myself up in my advisory with only a few students who are watching a movie.

While today is rough and I'm tired, I must admit that life here at school is getting better. The students are slightly more invested and willing to learn. I have a better attitude and am less stressed. And most importantly, I am beginning to enjoy my students more. Several days in a row over the past few weeks I actually felt excited to come in and see my kids every day. As I am learning how to communicate with them in an effective, positive way, they are showing me more respect.

I feel like I am learning a lot about working with children. By the time God is done with me here I think I'll be ready to conquer all teenager-dome. But until that time comes, I need to continue to learn how to enjoy my job and my students. Even though they drive me nuts sometimes, they really are precious, individual, beautiful creations. I'm learning to see them through that lens, instead of just noticing all of their imperfections.

I have found that it does no good to yell at them. It does no good to show frustation in my tone of voice. Fighting back with them or allowing them to argue with me about an assignment or instruction does no good. Expecting them to do everything exactly as I ask is unrealistic.

What does work however, is realizing they all work in individual ways. It works much better to smile at them as they come in each morning, whether they are on time or late. It's more productive to always know exactly what action I want them to be doing, so that if conversation veers off in a bad direction I have a track to put them back onto. It's so much more enjoyable to let them share their thoughts briefly if something unrelated is on their minds, laugh with them at their stories, and acknowledge that they have a life outside of this place.

The break could not be coming sooner, and I don't think I'll miss them too much with only a week without them, but I do pray that when we get back with over half the school year to go that my advisory, First Class, can continue to grow in a positive way (and maybe, just maybe, they'll all wear their uniforms again:)

Idols

"Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." - Psalm 139

I have many flaws.

In college, I discovered that I had a need for approval. I can literally stress out about making a simple decision, like what clothes I should wear, if someone does not give me a thumbs up of approval. I start to get paranoid if a friend doesn't give their opinion when I ask, because I feel that I've done something wrong.

During college, God also convicted me of my need for approval in my talents and gifts. I was very involved with theatre when I was in high school and started to be in college, until I realized I was doing it just to be in the spotlight and hear people telling me what a great job I did. Acting on stage wasn't offensive to Him, but my terribly self-focused attitude about it was.

Now, I'm not a very competitive person when it comes to sports, but I've started to realize that I am when it comes to being one of the best at what I'm trying to do. I know I'm never going to be the best, but I want to be at the top of the pack. Acting, learning, test-taking, math, teaching...

Fast forward.

Last year, I was one of the "best." I was brand new at my job, I was a rookie, yet I put my heart and soul into learning how to be better at teaching, better at being an advisor for Big Picture.

This year, everyone's all caught up. I'm no longer in the spotlight. It was only then that I realized I even wanted to be in the spotlight. I wanted approval for all the hard work that I've been doing in the form of compliments.

I'm not really sure why I'm telling you all this. It's been on my heart for awhile. A few weeks ago, in a conversation I was having I was asked what my idols were. "Surely," I thought to myself, "there's nothing that I worship more than God." At times my boyfriend ranks up there a bit too close to the top, or I know I sometimes would prefer to spend time with friends instead of with God, but all in all, I never considered myself too much of an idol-worshiper. (Talk about conceited, right?)

And it wasn't until I was brought face to face with such a question that I even realized that I do have idols. The biggest one at the moment being my need for approval in the form of being considered the best at my job. BAM.

My faith has been weak the past few months, my job has been miserable. I've been wanting to know why without really wanting to find the answer. Thankfully, God is just and true and pointed out the things in my life that were holding me back from having a better relationship with my Savior and on a different level, with my students.

I've been so unconsciously working toward being praised at work. It is affecting my love for my students and my interactions with my staff members. For example, today during our staff meeting, I was proposing a new schedule for next quarter where I would teach just math (be the math specialist), and only my students would have a bit more of a traditional experience by rotating to the other teachers while I was with that other teacher's class doing math. The idea was shot down. I got angry.

The fact that we weren't going to use the proposed schedule didn't necessarily bother me, because I wasn't even sure if it was a good idea, but what bothered me was that I felt like my idea had been stupid, that my classroom management must suck if no one else wants to teach my students for a short 45 minute time period, and that the time I put into thinking about such a "genius" idea was only acknowledged briefly. Ha! How silly and self-focused am I?

I suppose this blog entry is more of a confession. Idols get in the way of all of our lives. I didn't realize how intangible they can be sometimes. I pray that God continues to discipline and convict me so that I can better experience His joy, which can then flow out to others, like my students.

Debbie Downer

I have been incredibly frustrated for the majority of this year (as any of you who talk to me regularly, read this often, or follow me on Twitter can attest to). Things aren’t going my way. I’ve gotten into the terrible habit of only seeing the imperfections in my students and in my teaching. When something positive happens, I get frustrated that it’s still not perfect instead of rejoicing in the small accomplishments.

God has been really convicting me of my terrible attitude. I feel like I should have that “wa wa waaaa” music following me around every time I speak (SNL anyone?). I’ve known that I’ve been too negative for awhile, but it wasn’t until I was observed by my TFA program director that it was really brought to my attention. During our debrief of the lesson, she commended me on the improvements my students have been making. Yes, they might be disrespectfully talking over me, but they no longer get up and just leave class (or the building). While they complain about the lessons, their complaints have turned more into frustrations that they don’t understand, which she pointed out is evidence of investment. Two thirds of my students are out on internships, whereas last year at this time, I think only 1 was out.

I’ve been realizing that it’s good to have high expectations, but I also am allowed to rejoice in the small steps that it takes to get there, especially for these students. My attitude was brought to my attention again in a meeting with my coordinator. I was frustrated that one of my students had read ahead to the end of the book we’re reading in advisory and has been telling everyone the ending. My coordinator looked at me like I was crazy… I was actually upset that a student took it upon themselves to READ AHEAD? (Wa wa waaaaaa…)

So I’ve been a bit of a downer. And my negativity has definitely brought down the culture of my classroom. Yet I am still amazed at how God works through my weaknesses. While I was noticing all the ways I see my students in a negative light, I was humbled further by a simple activity that they were doing. We did a mini-unit on discovering your passions and how to learn through your interests. One of the objectives was discovering your values. In doing that, I asked the students some questions to help guide their thinking. One of the questions was, “Who is the happiest person you know?”

The majority of them said that it was me.

Praise God that in my negativity and ridiculous expectations of perfection and bad attitude He still used me to show these kids His joy. It baffles my mind that His love has shown through even in the bad year that I’ve been having. Perhaps it’s not so bad after all. I’m just so thankful that He is in charge and uses me despite my brokenness.

Update

I kept having great ideas for some posts... but I have not had the time nor the energy to write something inspirational. I thought that, instead, I can just revert to the good old checklist. So here's some of the things that have been going on:

• Things are slowly getting a little bit better at school. I'm starting to relax more around my students and my biggest advice seems to be that I'm not having enough fun with them and not building a good relationship. I feel like this is slightly confusing advice. More to come on this probably in a later post.
• The students completed their end of the quarter assessment Exhibition presentations. They went well. Not the best because hardly any of my students actually took the given time the week before to prepare, but good for how the semester went none-the-less.
• As the new quarter starts it's always a better time for the students because they feel hope that they can succeed once again, so there's been some better attitudes in class.
• Went to visit AJ in Indiana last weekend. It was nice to get away and even better to see him.
• I'm ready for Thanksgiving already. Break can't come soon enough.
• I'm praying for direction for next year. If I should stay with Big Picture, if I do, if I should take on a new group of 9th graders, or be a math specialist (that's what I'm praying for, but the job might not be in the budget). If I should try teaching math at a traditional school. If I should give teaching a break and pursue high school or college ministry or some other career.... lots to be thinking about... prayers are appreciated.
• In advisory, we've started a unit on discovering and defining dreams. Sounds wonderful in theory but I'm struggling with presenting it in a way that the kids are invested... and investment is the whole purpose for doing so.

Today's been a bad day so I'm feeling a bit down about my abilities to teach... so I probably shouldn't be writing anything else... cause that could get depressing.

But that's a quick update for you. Hopefully I'll have another good day soon and can write my reflections on that.

"So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong." - Hebrews 12:12-13